2013

Hello. Guess I am a little late to wish all of you a happy new year but better late than never! Happy new year to all. I hope 2012 was awesome for you and if not, I hope 2013 will be so much better. In case you guys are not aware, I've changed my url from elevendecember to xisthisinsane.

As an individual, I went through phases in my life when I felt New Year is just the same old thing over and over again. People are going to say what for wait for the year to be over and then have resolutions to strive on for the new year. Besides nobody ever complete their resolutions right?

For me, resolutions or in my case, change is hard. I don't handle change very well actually. I've always been a very pessimistic person and I consider myself as an introvert no matter how many times people tell me that I'm the complete opposite. I'm not going to lie about the fact that I set boundaries with so many people.

2012 was a horrible year for me. I find the need to be alone most of the time last year. I went through months not looking forward to anything at all. I rather be alone than being surrounded by people. I wake up and immediately thinking of sleep so I spent most of my time sleeping because I do not want to do anything. I do not want to think of anything.

I honestly pray for a better me in 2013. It takes time. I am not asking permission from anyone at all to try to understand what I've been through or what I will be going through. There's a never ending struggle inside me. I have always refused to let anyone know about my sadness because ultimately telling other people about what you feel will be just making you feel a tiny bit better yet the problem is still there. People are going to say I am selfish. But it is time I am selfish for my own self.

I found a statement by a psychotherapist, Frtiz Perals, online and his words will most probably push me to achieve self happiness and self fulfilment. When I read it the first time, I felt that he was talking to me and I am sharing it with you:

I do my thing and you do your thing
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by any chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.

Insya Allah, to a better person for my own self this year. And for that, I will be actively documenting things here because it's a space that I want it to witness of my own growth and changes. Is this still a photography blog? Yes, it is. With just a little bit of change along the way.